- The
Gift of Anger
by
Christine E. Buckingham, LCPC, NCC, MA
We
are all familiar with the phrases, “stuffing our feelings” and “stuffing our face.”
There is a connection! Many of us never have experienced the gift of anger because
we stuff our anger by stuffing our face. One minute you are feeling upset and
the next thing you know, you are in front of the open refrigerator! REBT
(Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) was developed by Albert Ellis, a prominent
psychotherapist and theorist of the 20th century. REBT is a method that teaches
how to manage anger. He said that it is not what happens to us that makes us angry,
it is the irrational beliefs we hold about what happens that make us angry.
He taught that we need to examine our thoughts -- or how we talk to ourselves
-- for any irrational beliefs we may hold. These irrational beliefs can be thoughts
like, “I must always be happy, others must always love me, I must always get what
I want, life must be fair, I must never hurt.” Centuries
before Albert Ellis, God taught David the formula. Psalm 4:4-5 (NKJV) says, "Be
angry and do not sin. Meditate within your heart in your bed, and be still. Offer
the sacrifice of righteousness, and put your trust in the Lord.” “Be
Angry”
Own your angry feelings. It is okay to be angry. It is okay to
allow yourself to feel the feelings and learn to identify it as anger. Learn where
you feel anger -- what does your anger feel like? Do you feel it in your stomach?
Do you feel hot and flushed? Do you feel panic? “Do
not sin”
Anger is a wonderful, energizing emotion. No other emotion can
mobilize the self to action like anger! But God always gives us choice and He
cautions us about our choice. We must learn that there are constructive ways to
utilize the energy being angry provides. Trying to push the feelings down or deny
them uses up this wonderful energy. Consider
that there is a better way to process the feeling and to empower yourself to act.
God has given us control over our actions. He has given us power over what we
believe. Our beliefs are learned, they don’t just happen. And therefore, we have
some power over them. “Meditate
within your heart on your bed and be still.”
This is where the belief
system is considered. Look within -- either quietly or within the context of a
safe relationship, or maybe through writing in a journal -- at what you are telling
yourself about the things that happen to you and provoke you to anger. Look at
your “self-talk” to understand what you believe. What are you believing about
what happened? Process this with someone who can bring some objectivity to your
beliefs. “Offer
the sacrifice of righteousness”
God is God of reality. He wants us to
live in truth and in reality. Righteousness -- a right response -- might require
work on the irrational belief, or maybe it requires forgiveness, or maybe confrontation,
or maybe even all three. He wants us to respond in righteousness and He recognizes
that it is a sacrifice – it is bringing us in line with His character. “And
put your trust in the Lord”
We must let God be responsible for the outcome.
We cannot control how others will respond to us. The good news is that God has
promised that He, Himself, will be with us and comfort us. In
no way does taking responsibility for our emotions excuse the harm or offenses
done to us by others. But this is a low-calorie, fat-free way to own and process
our feelings! Chris
is a New Life Ministries network counselor who is a group facilitator for "Lose
it for Life", who along with Steve Arterburn, Dr. Jill and several others hosts
New Life's weekly "Lose it for Life" web chat. She also writes articles for New
Life web site. | 
